Ocean DnD 28/08/26: The Silver Asshole
My first game played online in the Gay Beholder discord server. Many thanks to the GM warenunförmig / spuk (நவீன்), and the players:
- Mistuh
- Bryce/Brwagur
- Weird Writer
for making me feel welcome :)
begin report
Dorcas the Octopus appears on the reef and joins up for the next expedition. Unfortunately there's a massive storm. A great typhoon roiling over our heads; we all hunker down in the safety of the reef for a day, lest the currents tear us away from this mortal coil (cool!).
The next day, we set off, taking advantage of the southwesterly current to drift along the seabed at great pace. This is all ground the party has covered before, which makes it easy breezy. Jimmy the Polyp plants an anemone in the nurtient-rich base of a caldera (cool!).
we turn up at the dungeon, a large rectangle of stone, come to rest on the seabed at an odd angle, surrounded by strange monoliths. Dorcas wrests open the door to the southern entrance. It's full of mindless grazer fish (cool!) and algenated, sponge covered walls. We move around north and there's been algae scrubbed away by a ten-tentacled, hook-suckered being -- squid (cool!!!)?? And some inscriptions of surface dwelling creatures.
We enter a smaller room of the labyrinthine, complex, beginning to realize the whole place is symmetrical in layout. Inside 4 sloane's viperfish spring out at us, using their lamps to blind us. They have an advantage against us; the depth level here is enough to hinder Reef inhabitants, while the sloane's viperfish move more gracefully, being on home turf.
Luckily, we fuck them up with an ink blast and they run away. We're just about to start eating them when 82(!) shrimps come in and tell us to fuck off. Having little other choice, we do so.
In the next room, we find a yawning hole into the abyss. Freezing water, utter darkness, and abyssal pressures whisper up at us from below. As we muse about what could be down there, we're suddenly interrupted by a giant, freakishly long crab claw emerging into view from around a corner. It glitters with silver accretions -- nanites.
He is a crab wizard -- THE SILVER CLAW. he is searching for a tentacled Devil. i fucking love this guy but he does NOT love me because I don't have a shell (fuck). It's not long before he lunges at us with murder in his beady little crab-eyes, vowing to expunge the Devil and his associates.
Magnifico the crab bravely stands in his way, and gets ganked by a single blow. Horrified, we all swim away as fast as we can while the Claw is still calmly extricating the impaled hermit crab from his foot.
We stumble into a chamber to the North. On the way, we start to wonder if the 'tentacled devil' might in fact be the same tentacled creature that rubbed away at the algae and sponge walls elsewhere in the dungeon. At that moment, we round the corner to find an ethereal sight: 
A Vampire Squid. GLowing, mesmerizing lights scintillate over his body. He introduces himself:
I am THE IMMORTAL, God of this temple. How shall you pay me my due respect?
Dorcas tries to pull a fast one by insinuating that the Silver Asshole currently roaming the temple is their gift to him; he just has to go and kill it.
A God must have a light touch. But if you can bring me a remnant of this infidel's corpse, I shall give you my blessing. Swear you will do this!
He starts whirling around, glowing, and dancing. Two of us join in, quickly finding ourselves hypnotized (basically a Geas spell).
We gather together to huff a rhizome in the corner of the Immortal's chamber. This inspires us to head home and level up a bit first, before returning to slay the Silver Asshole.
The journey home is mostly uneventful, except for a herd of 600 mackerel. Jimmy the Polyp exchanges cordial words with them, learning that they are headed south to mate. At long last, arrive back at the Reef, where we construct a shrine to Magnifico the Crab, first adventurer, and defender of the Reef. RIP to a fucking hero.
end report
I had so much fun! The game was a tight 90, and I mean TIGHT. We ended exactly on the minute. I was impressed by not only the GM's timekeeping skills but his great enthusiasm for and knowledge of the marine world. As someone who knows nothing about the marine world I found it exotic, fascinating, and at times terrifying. I really like how the underwater environment affects visibility and rolls at different depths. I'm excited to play more ODnD!